Headaches, headaches, I hate you!!

I have had headaches this entire pregnancy. But they have gotten increasingly worse. To the point where I go to bed with headaches, I wake up in the middle of the night with headaches, and I wake up in the morning with headaches. Yes, I know-eat and drink more water. Today, I went to work and I sat down at my desk. I couldn't read my computer screen my head hurt so bad. Then it started getting hot and sweaty. And my head was pounding so hard I could feel the pulse without even touching my forehead. I think I have a high tolerance for pain, but I couldn't bear it, I started crying. And got a sub.

On my way home from work, I called my nurse. I try very hard not to call the doctor for things I know are common in pregnancy. I don't want to be that patient. So I called her for the 2nd time this pregnancy. My nurse went through a list of questions. Do you have allergies? No. Is your body swollen? No. Do you have high blood pressure? No. I just have unbearable headaches that are getting worse by the day, and the Tylenol is not cutting it.

My doctor's office is on my way home from school (the 4 mile commute that it is) so she had me stop by to check my blood pressure and the baby's heartbeat. Blood pressure was fine, and the baby's heartbeat was 154. I asked if there was a prescription I could take that would be stronger than Tylenol. 30 minutes later Phil and I was at CVS picking it up. I chased it down with a drink and a biscuit.

I'm very thankful the nurse could see me with no notice and that everything was fine. I have since spent the morning and afternoon at home, laying in bed in my dark room. I feel better already. I haven't moved an inch in 4 hours, except to go to the bathroom-funny since I haven't even had anything to drink.

On that note, I need to prevent the next headache from showing up by going to get something to eat since I haven't had more than a biscuit today. Please, no more headaches for awhile!! But it is worth it since I got to listen to the best sound in the world today-my baby's heartbeat!!

Out With the Old, In With the New!

I absolutely LOVE being pregnant. I feel great 90% of the time. Sure, some things are getting a little tougher to do, like trying to stand up from sitting on the ground. Or trying to roll out of bed. Since I was a little girl, I always climbed up on the counter in the bathroom and sat on the edge of counter with my feet in the sink while I put my make-up on. At age 34, I still do the same thing every single morning. However, it is getting near impossible. Phil has suggested getting me a step stool so I can climb up and down. Yes, a 34 year old grown woman still sits in the sink to apply make-up.

Phil and I have started receiving unexpected gifts. We got our first baby gift in the mail a couple of weeks ago from Ally and Chris (see picture above). It is so fun to come home from work and have boxes sitting on the door step. My friend Svetlana and Crystal gave me a pregnancy "survival" kit with odds and ends. And my friend Christina walked into my classroom last week with a garbage bag FULL of baby boy clothes.

Phil and I are clearing out and getting ready for a garage sale in May. We cleaned out the baby closet today and sorted everything into keep, garage sale, and toss piles. And those of you who know me, know that the "keep pile" was very small. The closet is now cleaned out and ready for baby Nolan to start accumulating his massive amounts of "stuff" needed for that first year of life. The next step is buying some baby hangers so I can start hanging his clothes that so anxiously await him.

Phil has been the most wonderful husband during this pregnancy. Here are some reasons I love being pregnant:
1. I have a 9 month pass on cleaning the bathrooms (and Phil actually cleans them regularly).
2. Though I love to cook, it isn't expected right now.
3. Since I gave up that "evil" diet Mtn. Dew, I don't feel guilty about drinking a Coke.
4. I love when Phil rubs my belly and easily identifies where the baby is-I tell him it is my uterus, but he is convinced it is the baby.
5. I love how Phil prays every morning and every night that baby Nolan will be healthy and grow until full-term, and that I will have an "easy" pregnancy.
6. I love watching my belly grow, and sadly, my maternity wardrobe is much nicer than my regular wardrobe.
7. I have a new love for my couch. It is just so comfortable.
8. I love going to the doctor and seeing my baby on the ultrasound screen.
9. I love that I can get away with "unlady like" actions and blame it on being pregnant.
10. And most of all, I love that God has entrusted Phil and me to be parents to our soon to be newborn son.

I think we are starting the bi-weekly photo sessions of the growing belly. Here is the latest pregnancy picture:

It's a BOY!!

On April 6th, we went in for our monthly appointment. I was 14w3d. Phew. Past my first trimester and hoping to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler. Once again, we were greeted by the friendly nurse and once we got back in the hallway, we saw our doctor. "Want to try to find out the sex of the baby today?" my doctor asked me. I chuckled and said, "Dr. Graham, I'm only 14 weeks, how is that possible?" She just smiled and said, "well, I think we have a shot." I will NEVER turn down the opportunity to see our baby. This was just supposed to be a routine appointment where they take a urine sample, check weight and blood pressure, and check for the heartbeat externally with a Doppler. But we hit the jackpot. We got much more at that appontment than originally planned.

Phil and I had a bet going on. Not about if it was a boy or girl. But about finding out the sex of the baby at this appointment. I told him we wouldn't find out because we were just have a standard OB appointment(and technically we shouldn't have found out until our appointment in May). But my doctor was in a good mood, we have a great rapport with her, and I was her last patient before lunch (and the flattering letter I wrote her after meeting her in March probably didn't hurt either). God continues to surprise me with the unexpected and we were so excited to have that ultrasound. Yes, we had a bet going on-and he won. We did find out (unexpectedly) at our appointment. Dr. Grahman is 90% sure we're having a BOY!! I mean, it wasn't that hard to tell. There was definitely skin between the legs. Not to mention Phil has 2 brothers and on his side of the family, and we only have nephews-so far. Heather, one of my SIL's is pregnant with her 3rd child and will soon be finding out what she is having...my bet is a girl. Anyway, we are having a son. And once again, we got another ultrasound picture to add to the growing collection sitting on the nightstand.

It took awhile for it to set in. Like a few days. I had had a feeling it was a boy for a few weeks. And Phil talked like she was a girl, so I had already been dreaming about pink and everything girl-even though I like all of the boy clothing and accessories we had seen window shopping. But the most important thing was that we had a healthy growing baby up to this point. That is what made me happy. By the end of the week, I couldn't imagine not having a boy-it just seemed to fit. And babysitting a 7 week little boy for 2 days in a row was a big help in getting used to the idea of having a little boy.

Every night Phil prays for our son. Up until now, he prayed for Hannah because he was 99.9% sure it was a girl. For the past 3 months he puts his hand on my belly every night and morning and prays for our child-that he will continue growing and be healthy through this entire pregnancy. He prays that I will remain healthy and that we will carry him full term. Phil is so positive. He has so much faith and trust. He often holds me together when I think everything is going wrong. He prays a lot. And for that, I am very thankful. He had since had to quit praying for Hannah and has started praying for Nolan. We are naming our son Nolan Douglass. It is special to us as it is both of our middle names put together.

Remember that bet I told you about? The bet Phil won, but should have lost? Well, since he won the bet he got to have his favorite meal, Highway 98 bbq. Yuk. Too spicy for me. Can't eat it, even though my friend and school lunchroom manager, Nicole, owns the restaurant.

We haven't run off to the store to buy anything blue just yet. We're waiting for our 18 week appointment. We're waiting for that other 10% to make sure he really is a boy. Even though we already know it. Nolan, we love you so much already!!

Adoption, Bloodwork, and Ultrasounds!!

Before I had found out I was pregnant, Phil and I had decided to move in the direction of adoption. Upon returning from Disney World, I called a local attorney and set up our first meeting for February 15th. We had researched adotion agencies and weighed the options of using an agency or attorney, and we were learning towards a local attorney. I was so excited when I made that phone call in early January. I went on with filling out the paperwork, already dreaming about one day adopting a child. I had no idea there was a little peanut growing inside me. The fatigue, loss of appetite, and soreness should have been a clue...but it wasn't.

I ran into my doctor at school the morning I got my positive HPT and of course I about ran and jumped in her lap screaming the great news. She got my paperwork ready to get my bloodwork done on Thursday and Saturday. My HCG level (the hormone that confirms a pregnancy through urine or blood)came back back at 1742 on Thursday and my progesterone at 10.1 (not great). The important thing is that the HCG number doubles every 48 hours. On Saturday, it had risen to 3389-close enough to consider this pregnancy viable. The progesterone came back at 14.9. The progesterone was an easy fix with supplemental medicine that I will stay on through the first trimester (I knew it would be an issue since it was what caused me to lose my first pregnancy).

If anyone tells me that God doesn't have a sense of humor, I have a story to prove otherwise. After my doctor received my bloodwork levels back from the lab, she called to schedule my first ultrasound for FEBRUARY 15TH!! This was the same day we had our appointment with the adoption attorney. Obviously, we canceled that appointment and went on with our first ultrasound.

I could not eat or sleep on Valentine's Day. We went to a fancy steakhouse dinner and I ate bread and macaroni and cheese while sipping on Ginger Ale. That night, sleeping was near impossible. I tossed. I turned. Phil told me 100 times that everything was going to be ok. He prayed. I prayed. And I conintued to toss and turn all night long just hoping to hear good news the next day at our appointment.

Finally, the moment arrived. "Ann Heppding." Phil and I leaped out of our seats. We followed the nurse. She took my weight and blood pressure (amazingly it hadn't sky rocketed). I could feel my heart pulsating through my clothes. She took me in the ultrasound room and told me to get ready. I knew the routine. I have had so many ultrasounds from my previous doctor that I needed no directions. After what felt like forever, the u/s technician came back in. And up popped a sac on the ultrasound screen. The baby wasn't visible but the two necessary sacs were there. I met with my doctor and she told us, "I think this is it." "Keep your fingers crossed for a heartbeat in 10 days at your next ultrasound. 10 days? That's my BIRTHDAY!!

Yes, on February 25th 2010, Phil and I saw and heard the most precious thing ever. I received the best birthday gift ever. I saw my baby for the first time with a racing heart beat of 186. That's fast...real fast. The heart was just beating away. We could even see the flicker on the screen. Now, at this point, it looked like a blob, maybe a peanut. But it was our peanut. Our growing peanut. I cried so much I was shaking. I cried so much that the technician told me I needed to calm down so she could get all the measurements. I was beyond thrilled and I eventually quit shaking enough to finally enjoy the news that we were indeed pregnant.

We left that appointment estatic. We called both of our parents before we were out of the parking lot. I called both Heather and Ally with the great news of the heart beat. It was time to celebrate my birthday and being pregnant. Phil had made reservations at another nice restaurant, but there was no way I could stomach a big meal. Yes, it is true. On my 34th birthday I begged for McDonald's. I celebrated with a Happy Meal and it was probably the yummiest meal to date. (Jenn Purdy, if you are reading this close your eyes or substitute it with a healthier meal).

During the first week of March, I had yet another ultrasound. I was assigned to a new doctor (who is an angel in disguise and I'm so excited she is my new doctor) and she decided to do another ultrasound because my files had not been transferred correctly and she wanted records and accurate information for my chart. In a little over a week that peanut had grown so much. The heartbeat was still in the 180's and everything looked perfect for 9w3d. It is amazing what God does in such a short amount of time. We got a new picture of our child. I held it like it was gold. We looked at it all the time. It has sat on my nightstand in a growing collection of ultrasound pictures. Our child looks like a peanut, but already has budding arms and legs. See for yourself-but you might need a magnifying glass and you will need to scroll back up to the top of this page.

We had our due date of October 2nd. And I was given a list of dates for all of my appointments through September. We left the doctor's office much happier than I thought possible. At 9 1/2 weeks I wasn't sporting a baby bump yet, but my waist was most certainly thickening. I'm very proud and excited that my pants won't button. It means my body is working right. I have no shame-so much in fact I will even post a picture. Thank you Lord for this miracle!!

January 27, 2010 - We're Pregnant, Our Miracle Day

Upon returning home from Disney World, I had set out to train for the Seaside half marathon. Phil gave me the bug. I had a new goal. Something to distract me from getting pregnant. Something to keep me busy. Something to keep me in the gym. I was determined. I was excited. I felt like I had returned to my days of triathlon training. I felt rejuvinated. I felt alive.....

And then I felt dead...very dead...So dead that I was coming home from work and falling asleep on the couch by 5:30. So dead that I couldn't muster the energy to cook, let alone eat. So dead that I was going to bed by 8:30. So dead that I snuck a few naps in at work while the kids were at lunch. I kept going to the gym. I kept with my normal work and tutoring routine. But I felt off and I couldn't put my finger on it.

I remember very distinctly the 5.5 mile run I did at the gym on January 25th. Phil was running next to me at his 6.5 mph pace like it was nothing. I was on the treadmill, running a FULL MPH slower than my normal pace. I was panting. I was aching. I was holding my chest in agony because it hurt so bad. I labored through that entire run. I almost stopped to walk about 100 times, but I forced myself through it, despite the pain.

When we went home that evening I chalked it up to getting sick. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was pregnant. How could I be? I hadn't been on a medicated cycle for months. I just figured my body was up to some mean old tricks.

Then the morning of January 27, 2010 I woke up already in a bad mood. It was the day I was about to start my new round of a medicated cycle in hopes to get pregnant. I should seem happy about this. But I wasn't. I wasn't looking forward to all the mood swings and I wasn't looking forward to yet another failed cycle. However, I ALWAYS take a precautionary HPT before I start any new cycle.

I went into the bathroom, POAS, threw it on the counter and went on with getting ready for work. I mean, I knew I was going to see a blank, and I mean blank test staring right back at me. But God had different plans. He had already created our little miracle and I was just about 2 1/2 weeks late on finding out what HE already did!! Instead of the blank test, I saw this:


One would think I was jumping for joy and planning a romantic reveal to Phil. Quite the opposite. Panic and fear set in. Am I really seeing what I think I am? What if I found out too late and my progesterone is already dropping? What if this is a false positive? Call me negative, but these are common thoughts for most women.

Most people dream of ways to reveal the greatest news of their lives to their spouse. They go buy a onesie or a "best daddy in the world bib" and wrap it up to give to their spouse. They put something revealing the news on their cat or dog. They put an "I'm going to be a big brother/sister" shirt on the child they already have. They prepare a romantic dinner to share to life changing news. Well, NOT ME. There was nothing romantic about how I told Phil. He was in the shower, and I screamed "HOLY Bleep" about 5 times at the top of my lungs. He stuck his head out of the shower and asked if everything was ok, to which I replied, "there are two lines and they are pinker than pink. This might actually be happening. And it really was. God had created a little miracle and it was finally our time to start the journey to parenthood.

The Most Magical Place on Earth!!

Phil and I joined Freddie, Heather and their 2 boys, Will and Jackson in Disney World for the Disney half and full marathons. Both brothers had decided to run it in January 2010. Usually Orlando is warm and sunny-even in January. This year proved to be quite different. It was raining, sleeting, and cold the entire time. Even during both of their start times. Both left around 3:00 a.m. from the hotel to get hauled off to the start line. Freddie ran the half marathon, IN SLEET, on Saturday and Phil ran the full marathon, IN FREEZING TEMPERATURES, on Sunday. Heather and I were at both finish lines cheering our men on. We were so excited for both of them, and both bumbed we weren't running ourselves. Heather didn't reveal until 2 months later that the reason she was running was because she was 6 weeks pregnant with her 3rd child during that trip. I don't know how she kept it a secret while we were together, but somehow she did! Phil ran his marathon right at 5 hours!! I was so proud of him.


We enjoyed adjoining rooms at the Caribbean Beach Resort Hotel. Both famililes enjoyed Universal Studios together. While the VA Heppdings went to Magic Kingdom, Phil and I went to Epcot. In the evenings, we enjoyed dinner together and hanging out at the hotel.

Like I said, the temperatures were unseasonably cold and dreary. Worked out perfect for us because we couldn't endure the theme parks in the freezing temperatures. So we drank hot chocolate and cozied up at the hotel. And little did we know what was really happening that cold and dreary few days in Disney World.

2 Years of Trying-The Cliffnotes Version

Writing this post after the fact will have a much more positive spin on the infertility battle Phil and I had to trudge through for the past 2 years!! If I had written this in the midst of the battle, I would have been one hot mess. Now I can re-cap the past 2 1/2 years without all the day by day details in order to start the next few posts about the new baby growing in me.

We started trying to start a family in January 2008. I knew I was going to have infertility issues as I have always had inconsistent female problems since I was a teenager. From January-June 2007 my OB/GYN put me on various medicines to help force a period and ovulation. The medicines didn't work, so we thought.

In June 2008, I started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. He immediately took me off the medicine (metformin) and started his own plan. The same systematic plan he uses for all his patients. I was pregnant in July (thanks to my OB, not my RE), but had an early miscarriage due to low progesterone-a hormone that maintains the viability of a pregnancy until the placenta takes over. I wasn't even aware I was pregnant because Phil and I were out of town for 3 weeks and only after returning home, did we find out I was pregnant, but it was too late.

From July 2008-July 2009 I continued to see the Infertility doctor. About 10-12 times a month I had to drive out to Panama City to see the doctor. I remember the 3 1/2 hour round trips like it was yesterday. I cried and I cried while driving down the highway. I would call my SIL and she would listen to me and my struggles and let me know she was praying for me. She probably had no idea what to say, but she was always a huge comfort. I would call my mom crying. And sometimes, I would have glimpses of hope that I would eventually be pregnant. As tears rolled down my face, I dreamed of what having a family would look like on those long painful journeys down the highway.

I had 4 failed IUI's with my Infertility doctor. Each time I had glimmer of hope. That this might "be the one." Unfortunately, it wasn't. By the time summer rolled around, I was just so exhausted. I remember telling Phil that I just wanted to enjoy my summer. I didn't want to be driving to Panama City every other day. I didn't want the emotional drainage I knew it would bring. I didn't want to cry everyday of summer vacation. I didn't want to miss out on the fun of all of our summer company. I just wanted to live life again. I just wanted to feel the joy that I once knew. I just wanted to be with Phil. I just wanted to forget about my struggles.

Summer of 2009 proved to be so wonderful. It proved to be a turning point. It was so needed. So needed that we decided NOT to go back to my Infertility doctor. Instead, I went back to my OB/GYN and asked her to put me back on "that medicine that made me get pregnant last time." AKA, metformin. The medicine of choice the Lord used to get me pregnant...TWICE.

From July of 2009 to January 2010 I took my metformin (a diabetic medicine often given to infertile women to help produce a stronger ovulation) with little faith it would work. I was just taking it until we determined what our next step would be. But I enjoyed not going to my Infertility doctor so much that we never came up with a next step. God certainly had a different plan. A much better plan. And it was in His timming. An issue I am constantly battling and learning more about everyday.

In January 2010, God created his Heppding miracle. When I had no hope, when I had no faith, when I had no joy-God gave it all back to me. We conceived our child in the last way I ever thought possible-by ourselves. You may be laughing, but those of you reading this who have struggled with getting pregnant know exactly what I mean. God did what I thought was the impossible.