And then I felt dead...very dead...So dead that I was coming home from work and falling asleep on the couch by 5:30. So dead that I couldn't muster the energy to cook, let alone eat. So dead that I was going to bed by 8:30. So dead that I snuck a few naps in at work while the kids were at lunch. I kept going to the gym. I kept with my normal work and tutoring routine. But I felt off and I couldn't put my finger on it.
I remember very distinctly the 5.5 mile run I did at the gym on January 25th. Phil was running next to me at his 6.5 mph pace like it was nothing. I was on the treadmill, running a FULL MPH slower than my normal pace. I was panting. I was aching. I was holding my chest in agony because it hurt so bad. I labored through that entire run. I almost stopped to walk about 100 times, but I forced myself through it, despite the pain.
When we went home that evening I chalked it up to getting sick. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was pregnant. How could I be? I hadn't been on a medicated cycle for months. I just figured my body was up to some mean old tricks.
Then the morning of January 27, 2010 I woke up already in a bad mood. It was the day I was about to start my new round of a medicated cycle in hopes to get pregnant. I should seem happy about this. But I wasn't. I wasn't looking forward to all the mood swings and I wasn't looking forward to yet another failed cycle. However, I ALWAYS take a precautionary HPT before I start any new cycle.
I went into the bathroom, POAS, threw it on the counter and went on with getting ready for work. I mean, I knew I was going to see a blank, and I mean blank test staring right back at me. But God had different plans. He had already created our little miracle and I was just about 2 1/2 weeks late on finding out what HE already did!! Instead of the blank test, I saw this:
One would think I was jumping for joy and planning a romantic reveal to Phil. Quite the opposite. Panic and fear set in. Am I really seeing what I think I am? What if I found out too late and my progesterone is already dropping? What if this is a false positive? Call me negative, but these are common thoughts for most women.
Most people dream of ways to reveal the greatest news of their lives to their spouse. They go buy a onesie or a "best daddy in the world bib" and wrap it up to give to their spouse. They put something revealing the news on their cat or dog. They put an "I'm going to be a big brother/sister" shirt on the child they already have. They prepare a romantic dinner to share to life changing news. Well, NOT ME. There was nothing romantic about how I told Phil. He was in the shower, and I screamed "HOLY Bleep" about 5 times at the top of my lungs. He stuck his head out of the shower and asked if everything was ok, to which I replied, "there are two lines and they are pinker than pink. This might actually be happening. And it really was. God had created a little miracle and it was finally our time to start the journey to parenthood.
2 comments:
I think all the announcing in neat ways is for movies- it was a pretty unexciting announcement here.
I'm already crying! We certainly do have a lot in common. God is so good!
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